“there we are”

Okey dokey ladies and gents, big one this week.

First and foremost, I’ve got a brand new YouTube video out!

I went and tested a load of footballers' favourite restaurants, which ended up being hilarious. 

That's not even the headline though, because I also spent a few very memorable minutes in a room with Marco Pierre White, a man who is, without exaggeration, one of the most important people in the history of British food. 

More on that below and I'm still not 100% sure he liked me.

As usual, I’ve also written up a run of spots I've eaten at recently (a noodle place I keep going back to, a Turkish lesson learned the hard way, and a Nashville trip that nearly broke me).

Plus: 

Let's get after it👇

If you haven’t caught it yet, click here to watch I Tested Footballer's Favourite Restaurants!

The premise was simple: reach out to a load of footballers, ask where they eat, then go and test whether they know good food as well as they know a good through-ball.

I learned almost immediately that if you've lived in London long enough, you already know the answer to "where do footballers eat," because they all say the same place 😂

Novikov. 

Every single one. 

Footballers to Novikov is bees to honey. 

I could have made the entire video out of Novikov recommendations alone and barely scratched the pile.

And having been, I completely understand why. 

The food is really really good, it’s solid, no complaints at all.

Buttt 

That's not really the point of a place like Novikov, and it'd be naïve to pretend it is. 

What you're paying for is privacy and the knowledge that nobody's going to snap a pic of you mid-meal.

I suppose for footballers, that’s probably worth more than any dish on the menu. 

I have to say I was very well looked after, I had a lovely time, and I get the appeal entirely. 

It's just useful to know what you're really buying.

There was one non-Novikov rec that surprised me, and that was Alex Iwobi's pick. 

He took the time out (busy man, so I'm grateful) to bring me to one of his favourite spots, and I want to be clear, because you all know I'll say it straight if something's not up to scratch: it was stunning. I promise I wasn't gassing it up because he was standing there. 

There was one dish in particular I was raving about in the video, and it more than earned it. Big respect.

But all in all, the pick that won my heart was Eze's. Because instead of a flashy, look-at-me restaurant, he sent me to a little local independent bagel spot and it turned out to be one of the best bagels I've had anywhere in the UK. 

Honestly, I'd do a whole series of these. 

If any more footballers fancy putting me on to their spots, my inbox is very much open.

Ladies and gents, consider this a little early scoop.

Sandwich Sandwich have a new release coming, in collaboration with none other than Marco Pierre White. 

I was invited down to film with the man himself as part of the launch, which is the whole reason I found myself in a room with a genuine legend of British food. I won't give too much away (the full shebang drops next week and you'll want to catch it) but I can at least tell you what it was like being in there.

For those who don't know the name, let me explain why this was such a big deal for me.

Marco Pierre White is, more or less, the origin point of the entire modern chef world as we know it. 

Before Gordon Ramsay (who he trained) was shouting on the telly, before the beloved Bourdain, there was Marco: the original bad boy of cooking. 

In the mid-90s, at just 33, he became the youngest chef ever, and the first British one, to win three Michelin stars. 

Anthony Bourdain called him "the original rock-star chef, the guy all of us wanted to be." 

That's the level we're talking about.

In 1999 he handed all three Michelin stars back and walked away from professional cooking, because, in his words, he was being judged by people who knew less about food than he did. 

He's also, and I say this with total affection, a bit of a menace: the man once reportedly made Gordon Ramsay cry, though his version is "he made himself cry” (iykyk) 

And if you've spent any time in the right corner of the internet, you'll know him now for a glorious run of adverts in which one of the greatest chefs alive makes dinner after dinner using Knorr stock cubes, with complete conviction. The man contains multitudes.

So that's who I found myself in a room with.

Now we only had a few minutes together, and I wanted to be respectful of his time, so I was quick. 

We didn't cook anything unfortunately.

But what we did do was try his new sandwiches. 

I have to tell you, before I get to everything else: the sandwich was  delicious. 

Which, it turns out, is the most Marco thing ever. 

The man's stated favourite dinner is a cup of tea and a ham sandwich. 

He believes, deep down, that at the end of the day it's just food. 

The godfather of modern cooking pouring everything into a perfect sandwich is the whole philosophy in one bite.

There’s a few things I'll never forget…

One: 

He was way funnier than I expected. Everyone braces for the monster of legend; what you get is dry, sharp wit. At one point he even gave me what I can only describe as a backhanded compliment: "eat more, because it means you talk less." 

I'm still not sure if there was a compliment buried in there now that I think of it. 

Two: 

He kept mentioning, more than once, that he needed to wrap up and get back to the countryside. 

I'll be honest, in the moment, a small part of me wondered if he was being a bit of a diva about it. 

But I read up on him afterwards, and it turns out this is possibly the most authentically Marco thing he could have done. This is a man who truly prefers fields and rivers to crowds, who partly walked away from the whole circus to go and be in the countryside. He wasn't being rude at all. He'd just rather be fishing than talking to anyone, and completely respect it.

Three: 

He leaned in and told me that with my Hawksmoor burger, I should make sure I'm getting a % of every single one sold. Business advice, from Marco Pierre White. Which, again, once you know him, makes perfect sense. This is a man who turned stock cubes into an empire. Noted, Marco. Thank you.

Overall, I came away not completely sure he liked me. 

He bullied me, gently, for a few minutes, all in good vibes. 

But I've chosen to see it as getting mildly bullied by Marco Pierre White is arguably a bigger honour than being liked by him. Gordon Ramsay got it far, far worse, and still calls him the most influential chef of his life. 

So I'll take my few minutes of being ribbed by a legend and treasure every second 😂

If you’ve read this far into my ramblings, I can only reward you for your impressive attention span. 

So, the good people at Sandwich Sandwich and I have decided to treat you!  

If you use the code NoPickles at Sandwich Sandwich, you'll get 20% off food for the next month.

Head into one of their stores or order online, whichever's easier. 

“It’s as simple as that” (iykyk) 

Go and see what all the fuss is about 🥪

It’d be an understatement to say I've been eating well this past week!

Yi Yi Noodles, near Liverpool Street. 

There are a few of these dotted around London, and this one has a slightly more limited menu, but the food is incredible. I had a braised beef noodle dish that I've not stopped thinking about. 

I first went to one of these with Toby for a video, back when we were doing viral spots, and I liked it then without quite clocking how much. Then my missus went recently, told me it was brilliant, and I went back and got the dumplings, got a load of other bits, and it absolutely delivered. Fair warning: there's usually a queue, so aim for off-peak. I turned up at 5pm on the dot and walked straight in. Worth it.

Survivor, Dalston. 

A Caribbean spot I went to for a quick lunch. I didn't get much, just a beef patty, but that beef patty was deliciously incredible. My mate got the jerk chicken and rice, which looked top as well. On the strength of one patty alone, Survivor's earned a return visit.

Mangal 1, Dalston (a cautionary tale). 

Let this be a lesson to you all. 

Mangal 1 is a Turkish spot I've seen in review after review, supposedly one of the best in London, and it's frankly a bit of a crime I still haven't eaten there. I trekked all the way over, walked in wanting a takeaway… and they only take cash for takeaway. Cash! I had none. If you sit in, apparently they take card but for a takeaway, it's notes or nothing. So I left empty-handed and full of regret. 

I will be back, cash in hand. 

(Mangal 2 has since opened up the road but it looked closed when I passed. One to investigate another day.)

And one from further afield. 

I just got back from Nashville, and the food scene there was mad, in the best and most overwhelming way. 

Two things stood out. 

First, Hattie B's, the famous hot chicken. 

I'd been meaning to go the entire trip and kept failing, mostly because I was hungover every single day and couldn't face eating (you think you want a feast, you take one bite, you're done). 

So I ended up having it in the airport on the way out, which should have ruined it, and it was still one of the best things I ate all trip. Chicken sandwich, medium heat, unbelievable chips, a bit of cheese, some sort of hot honey situation. I'll admit I'm cooling on hot honey generally these days, jumped on that bandwagon a while back and I'm getting off it. But whatever they did, it worked. I inhaled it.

Second was Emmy Squared Pizza, in The Gulch. 

They do a deep-dish, Detroit-ish style pizza, and the lads all got proper pies and made that involuntary groaning noise the whole way through. I have to tell you about the cheesy garlic bread as well. It is, hand on heart, the best cheesy garlic bread I've ever had. The entire table ordered a portion each. If you're ever there, that's the move.

(Lobster rolls in America, for the record… slightly underwhelming across the board. There, I said it.)

Last newsletter I asked whether you rate one-item restaurants (the places that sell a single thing and nothing else) or whether you want a menu.

As always you all weighed in, and it turns out you are, on the whole, considerably more pro-menu than I am:

Love the idea, but I want at least a little choice: 44.2%
Depends entirely on the one thing: 30.2%
Gimmick. Give me a menu: 14%
One thing done perfectly, that's the dream: 11.6%

So only a handful of you are fully signed up to the single-item dream, which is fascinating, because I lean much closer to that camp than you lot do. But the replies made the case beautifully, so let's hear them.

The best defence of the one-item place came from the reader who wrote: "Don't make me think what I want. Tell me what I want and then reaffirm how right you were to not sell anything else." 

I've never felt so seen. 

But the pro-menu crowd came out swinging. 

One reader: "You have to be ballsy or a bit delusional to run a restaurant on a single item, no matter how good it is. People will get bored sooner or later." 

Another, on the sheer inconvenience: "what if I want a lil summat extra, you know? Then I have to trek to another joint just to get it. Let me waste my hard-earned wonga in one place please."

Two familiar faces returned, and I love that this is becoming a thing. 

The Pescatarian is back (you'll remember them from the steak poll) to point out, entirely fairly, that a place selling only chicken or steak is "no use to me," and to campaign for at least one option at every spot.

And a reader who signed off "me again" delivered possibly my favourite line of the week: "My stance on one-item menus? Get in the bin. When I spend good money on food, I want a platter, a mezze, a smorgasbord. I'm getting three dishes every time." 

A smorgasbord enthusiast. Welcome back.

Now, two more replies that were sent in last week: 

Andrew wrote in saying he picked up on London needing more New York-style pizza and, quite rightly, raised me one: London needs more New Haven-style pizza. He'd heard me mention on The Fellas that I never made it there on the road trip, and he confirmed (from a stint out at Quinnipiac) that I missed out badly, pointing me to Sally's as the one to beat. 

He had a second recommendation: Louis' Lunch, which opened in 1895, claims to be the birthplace of the hamburger, cooks the burgers vertically, and serves them on toast. They only allow cheese, tomato and onion. As Andrew put it: "no sneaky pickles." Andrew, you had me at no sneaky pickles. 

That's going on the list for whenever I finally make it out there. I'd love to see how a 130-year-old burger on toast stacks up against the Burgurr 😤

Kendal, writing in from South Carolina, sent this: "You are so funny, but also I see a caring person who longs to enjoy life to the fullest. It's contagious in your YouTube videos. Thank you for gifting us with laughter, new food recs, and just a good time overall." 

Kendal, that's one of the kindest things anyone's said to me, and it means the world. 

Cheers, from your mate across the Atlantic 🙏

One more thing I have to address, because it came up repeatedly: a lot of you want me to put together some kind of spreadsheet, app, or PDF of every place I've rated, so you can keep track when you're out in London. 

One reader and his girlfriend said they use the videos as a guide but can't keep it all organised. 

I've heard this enough times now that I'm officially taking it seriously. 

Watch this space 👀

Novikov got me thinking about why we humans pick a restaurant in the first place.

Best answers, as always, feature next time!

And that's Issue 09!

If you make it to Yi Yi Noodles, Survivor, or an Eze-approved bagel off the back of this then reply and tell me all about it. 

Oh! and don’t forget your Sandwich Sandwich discount code.

Use the code NoPickles, you'll get 20% off food for the next month.

See ya next time! 

Cal 🥒

No Pickles · Issue 09 · by the numbers

Stamps awarded to date: 4 (holding)

Legends of British cooking who have bullied me: 1 (and I'll treasure it)

Michelin stars Marco won and then handed back: 3

Takeaways I've been denied for lack of cash: 1 (never again)

Hangovers that stood between me and Hattie B's: roughly all of them

Smorgasbord enthusiasts in the community: at least one, and welcome