bizarre congealed jelly thing

This week’s got a nice bit of symmetry to it.

Last newsletter, when I asked how you feel about one-item restaurants, the overwhelming message from you lot was that you want choice. 

You want options. 

You don't want to be told what to eat. 

Well. I heard you. 

So last week I went to the polar opposite…  the most extreme version of "options" that exists on this planet.

I went to the world's biggest buffet.

The new video's out below! 

Plus a hot take about a food trend I simply cannot get my head around, some thoughts on a very hyped London opening, and your verdicts on what matters when you pick a restaurant (which produced one of the most one-sided polls we've ever run, and a lovely offer from one of you). 

Let's go 👇

The world's biggest buffet is not a one-man job. 

So for this one I teamed up with Harrison Webb (we'd been meaning to do something together for ages) and the two of us went out to Les Grands Buffets in Narbonne, in the south of France, on the basis that a challenge of this scale needed backup. Some things you just can’t take on alone.

If you haven’t watched it already, you can catch up on the new video here. 

My problem with buffets is you can have unlimited selection but most of the time the food is cold, it's average, or it looks like I made it, which is never a good sign. Quantity over quality, every time. 

So the entire question I went in with was a simple one. 

Is this place just big for the sake of being big?

First, the scale. 

Les Grands Buffets does around 500 people per sitting, roughly a thousand a day across lunch and dinner, and it is absolutely crammed with more or less everything you could imagine. Crucially, everything in there is done to an above average standard. 

There are four different themed rooms you can sit in; we were in one with a sort of outdoorsy vibe, but inside a tent, which was both strange and kind of lovely. 

If I could use one word to sum up the decor, it would be grand.

The people working there seem to really cherish the history of the place. 

It was inspired by a famous 19th century French chef named Auguste Escoffierway. 

(apparently he was the one who really pushed kitchens to start operating in a hierarchy with specific stations and wrote ‘Le Guide Culinaire’ which is still read by professional chefs today)

This buffet clearly is not a get-'em-in, take-their-money operation. Which you can tell from the price, because for what you get, it's not expensive. More on that in a second.

The standout dish was the pressed duck. 

Sensational, and served with a bit of theatre. They bring it out and do this whole ritual at the table. It's a touch gruesome, if I'm honest, because part of the process involves the blood dripping out into the sauce. And look, that is cooking, that's what it's about… but I did have a small moment of "hmm, maybe don't think too hard about this one." Delicious, though.

The dessert selection made me giddy. 

A chocolate fountain, eclairs, strawberry tarts, the works. 

Fun fact I learned, though, that mildly broke my heart: you don't physically get your chocolate from the fountain, because they have to add certain chemicals to keep it flowing. There's a separate little dispenser at the bottom you pour from instead. I literally poured it all over my selection of desserts. Looking back… I maybe got a bit ahead of myself there.  

The worst thing on my plate was some bizarre congealed jelly thing (a savoury jelly with meat set inside it). 

You regular readers will know I'm far more of a texture guy than a flavour guy, so the second you introduce a jelly texture to sophisticated, savoury food, I'm out. Not for me. Fair play to Harrison Webb, though because he went straight for it, and seemed to enjoy it far more than I did. Each to their own.

Surprisingly I didn't get too gluttonous, but it was a shift and a half. 

I don’t know if you can relate but I feel like when you put lots of little bits on your plate, you think "that's barely anything," and then by the end you are absolutely stuffed, while somehow still convinced you didn't eat much. It stacks up on you. Sneaky.

So the verdict is 🥁

For a price that I think was somewhere between €60 and €80, it was 100% worth it. 

Great quality, lovely staff, a positive experience top to bottom.

It does not, however, get the 10/10 Stamp of Approval ☹️

And it hasn't changed my mind on buffets in general. 

I still think they're wildly overrated, and nine times out of ten I still wouldn't choose one. 

What I can say, and I don't say this lightly, is that this is the first buffet I've ever been to where the food stacks up to top tier à la carte, restaurant-level cooking. 

I mean you can stroll on in and casually pick up a whole lobster, crab legs, caviar, steak - it’s endless. 

(btw: who can be bothered with the faff of cracking open a crab leg?)

At that price, that's remarkable value. 

Practical note: it is out of the way. 

Les Grands Buffets is not in a big city, and not somewhere I'd ever have stumbled across if I hadn't gone for the video. 

So I'm not telling you to build a holiday around it. 

But if you're doing a road trip through that part of France in the next six months, it's a brilliant stop. Just know that it's booked up months in advance (think three to four months) so if it's on your list, sort it now, not later.

Anway!

Click here to watch the full video. 

I need help 🛑

There's a frozen yogurt place called Yochi that has exploded lately. 

It was massive in Australia, and it's just launched over here, Regent Street or Soho way, I think (don't quote me) and I cannot for the life of me understand the hype. 

What is going on with frozen yogurt??

I've seen the queues. 

I've seen people talking about it like it's a religious experience. 

A few people in the Fella Studios office swear blind it's phenomenal. 

Every fiber of my being refuses to believe that froyo - a thing that has existed forever, that is essentially just cold yogurt with a wall of toppings you assemble yourself - can possibly be worth queuing round the block for. 

Haven't we done this before? Many times? How is this one different?

Now, in the interest of fairness, I'm going to go and try it, because I can't slate something I haven't eaten.

But I'm telling you now: I will not be queuing more than 15 minutes for cold yogurt. 

There's a limit, and that's it. Expect some short-form content when I've been. Until then, I remain deeply, deeply sceptical. 

If you're one of the froyo faithful, I've put a poll at the bottom precisely so you can try to change my mind.

I must address the Raising Cane's discourse, because I started it and now I have to finish it.

For the uninitiated: the boards are up on the new Raising Cane's, opening bang in the centre of London, just off Piccadilly. 

I posted a photo of it the other day and the replies came in fast, and they were brutal. 

"Mid." "Overrated." "Mid." "Mid, mid, mid." 

A wave of you queuing up to tell me it isn't all that.

So let me set the record straight, because I think you're wrong.

Now, I'll meet you halfway on one thing. 

I don't buy the most extreme end of the hype - the people who talk about Raising Cane's like it's a religious experience, like it's the greatest food ever assembled. 

It isn't that.

But "mid"? Absolutely not. 

That Cane's sauce is sublime, and I'd argue you'd struggle to find many better fried chicken spots in London right now. 

So I'm planting my flag: it's good, it's really good, and the backlash is overblown.

My one gripe has nothing to do with the food, it's the location. 

Just off Piccadilly is, frankly, a nightmare part of town, one I'd never usually choose to go anywhere near. 

But I understand it completely: that's prime London real estate, smack in the middle, and it's a statement opening. 

So, mild grievance about the postcode aside, I can't wait to go.

Last time I asked what matters most to you when you choose somewhere to eat: the food, the vibe, the service, or simply being able to say you went. 

The result was an overwhelming defeat:

The food, obviously, everything else is decoration: 77.8%
The vibe. I'll happily eat average food in a great room: 17.5%
Getting looked after, good service beats a good dish: 3.6%
Being able to say I went (the footballer special): 1%

So nearly four in five of you are ride-or-die for the food above all else. 

Correct answer. 

The theme that came through, over and over, was one I love with my whole heart: the best food is almost never in the fanciest environment. 

One of you: "I'd rather eat banging food out of a polystyrene tub on a park bench than bland food in a beautiful place." 

Another: "some of the best food in the world is served on plastic tables with folding chairs on a busy street." 

And several of you independently made the "hole in the wall" case: the rough-looking spot that becomes your little secret. 

That's the whole ethos of this newsletter, really. 

Decor is, as one of you put it, "expensive wrapping paper."

A few of my favourite lines: 

"I get severe post-meal depression if the food wasn't DIVINE" 

"good food equals good vibes, but good vibes do not necessarily equal good food"

"what idiot goes to a FOOD place and does not want good FOOD?" 

No notes.

Now… the recurring characters:

Bethany. You'll know her as the Pescatarian, veteran of the steak poll and the one-item debate - and this week she signed off properly, confirmed she scrolls every menu for days before she goes anywhere, and admitted she's secretly a sucker for an Instagrammable pic. Bethany, welcome to the credits.

Eleanor returned with the "expensive wrapping paper" line above.

Rhi (of Burmingham fame) checked in with "any other answer is simply wrong,"

Thank you to everyone as always that has taken the time to write in with your thoughts and feedback on the newsletter. 

Oh and by the way 👇

The number of you signing off with "can't wait for the spreadsheet!" last time was heartwarming. 

It's coming. I’m working on something rn. I promise. Watch this space.

I meant what I said up there.

Apparently I need to be educated. 

So this week, the froyo faithful get their chance.

Vote above, and if you're in the "Sensational" camp, reply and convince me. 

Best cases, for and against, feature next week. 

I'll go in with an open mind. 

And that's Issue 10.

If a road trip through the south of France is on the cards, book that buffet asap. 

If you've cracked the frozen yogurt mystery, I need to hear from you. 

Almost forgot!

I hope you all got a good use out of the Sandwich Sandwich discount code from last time. 

If you did use it, reply and tell me what you ordered. 

See ya next time! 

Cal 🥒

P.S. 

The Sandwich Sandwich x Marco code NoPickles is still live for 20% off food, in store or online, if you didn't get to it last week. Go and see what the fuss is about 🥪

If you missed the last newsletter and need some context, read it back here. 

No Pickles · Issue 10 · by the numbers

Stamps awarded to date: 4 

Dishes available at the world's biggest buffet: more than any human should attempt

Congealed savoury jellies consumed: 1 (never again)

Buffets that have changed my mind on buffets: 0 (this one got the closest anyone ever has)

Fried chicken openings I'm excited about despite the postcode: 1

Frozen yogurts I understand the hype of: 0 (help me)

Recurring characters now operating on a first-name basis: rising, and cherished